Masturbation
A leader must have demonstrated awareness of personal vulnerabilities, i.e. the tendency toward emotional and sexual addiction. [By emotional and sexual addiction, we refer to an ongoing, uncontrolled pattern of seeking sexual and emotional release. This includes emotional preoccupation with a person, compulsive masturbation and fantasy…. Addiction by its very nature is habitual. We are referring to an ongoing dependency on these behaviours, not unlike a drug.] The leader need not possess a complete freedom from the temptation towards addiction, however, a leader must be free for one year of any habitual addictive behaviour pattern. Those who habitually engage in sexual and/or emotional addictions will be disqualified from leadership.
I was at a training event for a program with which I want to become more involved as part of the leadership and was brought up short by the above requirement. For the past 3 ½ years I’ve been working towards freedom from sexual and emotional addictions and have gained much. The bugaboo in the mixture has been masturbation.
It is very clear in the Bible that homosexual relationships, extra-marital affairs and lustful fantasies are sin. Masturbation, on the other hand, is not mentioned in the Bible at all. Is it wrong? If one can do it without fantasizing or lusting, is it sin? Some say yes, others say no. I’ve heard the case for both sides. There’s no doubt that there has been a compulsive aspect to my engagement in this activity and yes, I’ve been addicted. It’s easy to justify the behaviour. It helps me sleep. It brings me a lot of comfort when I’m unhappy or lonely. I can put my thoughts on God while I do it, thanking him for the wonderful feelings the action produces. Does justifying make it right? Whether right or wrong, however, if I want to be a leader in this particular program, I must be free from compulsive masturbation.
Sometimes I don’t want to be free. Sometimes I’m rebellious. I want what I want and I don’t want anyone telling me I can’t have it. I can be very selfish. But I want to serve God and I want to help others who struggle with the things I have. Regardless of the Bible’s silence on the topic, the program’s demands are very clear—be free or don’t lead. There is no choice.
I lay in bed this morning wrestling with myself. “No, don’t! You want to be a leader.”
“Go ahead, just once isn’t being compulsive.”
“But it’s been twice already in the last two weeks, that’s not exactly free.”
“But it feels so good!”
“You can wait.”
“I don’t want to wait.”
I scrambled in my mind, searching for something to hold onto that would get me out of this battle.
“Truth.”
“Truth? What is the truth? What is the truth about masturbation?”
And then I remembered what I pray with the spikenard from my alabaster box. “Keep my eyes open to the truth. Blind me to the lies.”
The lie is that I really want to do this. I don’t. It’s a lie that it comforts me. The comfort leaves when the accusations and guilt begin. The father of lies has been whispering to me again. Why do I so readily believe him?
“Father, I want You.”
I get up and begin my day. “Thank you, Father! Thank you for showing me the truth and rescuing me from myself once again.”
I was at a training event for a program with which I want to become more involved as part of the leadership and was brought up short by the above requirement. For the past 3 ½ years I’ve been working towards freedom from sexual and emotional addictions and have gained much. The bugaboo in the mixture has been masturbation.
It is very clear in the Bible that homosexual relationships, extra-marital affairs and lustful fantasies are sin. Masturbation, on the other hand, is not mentioned in the Bible at all. Is it wrong? If one can do it without fantasizing or lusting, is it sin? Some say yes, others say no. I’ve heard the case for both sides. There’s no doubt that there has been a compulsive aspect to my engagement in this activity and yes, I’ve been addicted. It’s easy to justify the behaviour. It helps me sleep. It brings me a lot of comfort when I’m unhappy or lonely. I can put my thoughts on God while I do it, thanking him for the wonderful feelings the action produces. Does justifying make it right? Whether right or wrong, however, if I want to be a leader in this particular program, I must be free from compulsive masturbation.
Sometimes I don’t want to be free. Sometimes I’m rebellious. I want what I want and I don’t want anyone telling me I can’t have it. I can be very selfish. But I want to serve God and I want to help others who struggle with the things I have. Regardless of the Bible’s silence on the topic, the program’s demands are very clear—be free or don’t lead. There is no choice.
I lay in bed this morning wrestling with myself. “No, don’t! You want to be a leader.”
“Go ahead, just once isn’t being compulsive.”
“But it’s been twice already in the last two weeks, that’s not exactly free.”
“But it feels so good!”
“You can wait.”
“I don’t want to wait.”
I scrambled in my mind, searching for something to hold onto that would get me out of this battle.
“Truth.”
“Truth? What is the truth? What is the truth about masturbation?”
And then I remembered what I pray with the spikenard from my alabaster box. “Keep my eyes open to the truth. Blind me to the lies.”
The lie is that I really want to do this. I don’t. It’s a lie that it comforts me. The comfort leaves when the accusations and guilt begin. The father of lies has been whispering to me again. Why do I so readily believe him?
“Father, I want You.”
I get up and begin my day. “Thank you, Father! Thank you for showing me the truth and rescuing me from myself once again.”
posted by Magdaleine at 9:01 AM
4 Comments:
Thank you Maggie...like you this is something I have struggled with my whole life. As a Christian woman who deeply loves God and longs to be free of this I just feel so alone at times with this addiction. I'm happily married with kids, WHY do I turn to this? I know there are things from the past that began this habit that need to be confronted once and for all and broken. It WILL be broken, but only through God, I can't do it alone anymore...and I needed a real reminder of how much of a lie this is. TRUTH! I hope the next time it comes to tempt me those 5 letters will remind me what to do...turn to the truth and be free.
Thankyou. God Bless!!
(A sister in Christ)
Dear Sister,
I've been out of town for the past 10 days and just returned home. You are right. It is only through God that we can break our addictions. For me, I think the breaking of this once and for all will happen in two ways. It will happen as I pursue God and make him my only focus. It will also happen as I continue to allow him to expose the pain and brokenness of my past, allow myself to feel that pain and bring the pain to God for healing. For me, this process needs assistance from those who have a solid connection with God and who understand what it's like to be broken and on the healing journey themselves. I have just returned from a Living Waters Leadership Training Conference where I gained another layer of healing. The director for Living Waters Canada told us that he has taught this course 40 times and he STILL discovers parts of his brokenness and need for healing. When I went in tears to the Living Waters Coordinator for my area, he reassured me that being part of the leadership team is a wonderful way to continue the healing journey. Perhaps you might see if Living Waters is offered near you. Here's the link: http://www.desertstream.org/programslivingwaters.htm. Check out the link, "Locate a group near you."
I pray that you will find victory. May God bless you abundantly.
Maggie
I looked up the website, thankyou. And I'm catching up on reading your posts now...you have alot that really speaks to me and my feelings in life about many things - especially the absent father issue!
Maggie, I know God will bless you tremendously for your witness to people on your site. Sometimes people might just pop in and not leave comments (like me for a while) but what you share about your life is often exactly what someone else is going through and they can relate and can see what direction to take next. So I just want to thankyou again and encourage you to please keep posting...we are reading, and we are definately seeing, hearing and feeling God through you.
Bless you!!!
(A sister in Christ)
PS Perhaps one day I'll be bold enough to use my name :)
Dear Sister in Christ,
I'm glad the things I've experienced and written about have been able to speak to you. Thank you too for your encouragement. Your comment has been a blessing to me.
Post a Comment
<< Home