Wholeness

I was talking about what I've shared in my previous post with a friend and we started talking about wholeness. I believe this new desire for good emotional/mental health is part of the process of growing in Christ. He wants each of us to be whole in every way but I truly believe that He has His own timetable for the restoration of each of us. When we listen to Him, we make ourselves open to His leading towards that restoration. Most times, we get an idea in our head and, because it’s a good one, we think that that’s what we should be doing. But sometimes it’s not yet God’s timing and so we’re doing it on our own strength instead of His. I’m discovering that when God comes into the picture (because now is the time he’s appointed to deal with a particular issue) it makes all the difference in the world–-it’s like God moves the boulders out of the way ahead of us.

My friend pointed out that some people would argue that it is always God’s timing to get one’s life in order and I agree with that in principle, but our lives are so complicated and we’re all so OUT of order, there’s no way any of us can begin to put everything in order all at once. So, where do we begin? For myself, do I begin with physical health? Mental/emotional health? Losing weight? Exercising? Getting my marriage in order? Dealing with my same-sex attraction and other related stuff? Learning how to not be emotionally dependent? Where do I start?

That’s where being sensitive to God’s leading is so important. And God’s order of dealing with things isn’t always ours or society’s. I think of one advisor who was impatient because I was dealing with my ssa issues when he wanted to see me work on my marriage. He wanted to run ahead of God and have me change things in my own power. But that can be so defeating because there’s no way I can change much of anything on my own---not if I’m truly honest with myself and not if I want the change to be real instead of simply on the surface. When GOD does the changing, it’s so exciting and awesome. Of course it still involves decision making on my part but really, it’s like sitting on the sidelines and watching as God rearranges my attitudes. I’m really quite excited!

The end of Isaiah 40 reads, “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They will mount up on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint.” (MRV—Maggie’s Remembered Version) Waiting on the Lord. That’s the key. It’s not a passive waiting but waiting does involve not running ahead of God. I’m happy to keep pushing into God, grabbing hold of what He chooses to give me and waiting for what He decides to do next. Our God is an awesome God.