Anger and Right Choices
I left the meeting very angry. My first thought was to find someplace to stuff my face. I took a different route home so I could go to a favourite burger house. But I've been having digestive problems and burgers and fries would just make them worse. As I was driving, the thought came to me to just speed down street and crash into something and end it all. But I can't do that. I've given up considering suicide as an option. Besides, it wouldn't work. I was reminded of the cross-in-a-heart I draw over my heart and the words I often use to remind myself, "Jesus died so I can live." The connection between my wanting to die and wanting to overeat wasn't lost on me.
I passed a drug store and turned in. I could fill up on less greasy junk food there! But as I pulled into the parking lot, I was reminded of what came to me a couple weeks ago, "Nothing will take away the pain." I sat in the parking lot, thinking and deciding. With a heavy sigh, I turned around and drove home in a way that wouldn't take me past the burger joint and argued all the way home about what I'd do once I got there. Death won't solve anything. Overeating won't solve anything. Sitting at the computer and chatting or writing won't solve anything either.
So I went down to my prayer room and just sat and prayed. I didn't feel remarkably different when I finally left, but I'm pleased that given the temptations, I made a series of good decisions and chose what was right. I may be in danger of sliding into deep depression again, but if I can keep on making decisions like I made that evening, the worst of it will be diverted.
I passed a drug store and turned in. I could fill up on less greasy junk food there! But as I pulled into the parking lot, I was reminded of what came to me a couple weeks ago, "Nothing will take away the pain." I sat in the parking lot, thinking and deciding. With a heavy sigh, I turned around and drove home in a way that wouldn't take me past the burger joint and argued all the way home about what I'd do once I got there. Death won't solve anything. Overeating won't solve anything. Sitting at the computer and chatting or writing won't solve anything either.
So I went down to my prayer room and just sat and prayed. I didn't feel remarkably different when I finally left, but I'm pleased that given the temptations, I made a series of good decisions and chose what was right. I may be in danger of sliding into deep depression again, but if I can keep on making decisions like I made that evening, the worst of it will be diverted.
posted by Magdaleine at 6:34 PM
3 Comments:
I am glad you made that choice. I understand about comfort but when we go to Him it will get better each day. Hugs from me sorry I didn't get a chance to talk to you on Sunday when I turned around you where gone maybe this week.k Hugs whimsicall
Praise God!
Every time I visit here, I find yet another reason to praise and thank God for you. Your honesty and openness (what some call 'transparency') is a breath of fresh air and very encouraging.
Thank you for sharing your heart.
Don’t be misled. Remember that you can’t ignore God and get away with it. You will always reap what you sow! Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful desires will harvest the consequences of decay and death. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. So don’t get tired of doing what is good. Don’t get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time.
Galatians 6:7-9 (NLT)
Whimsy, thanks for the hugs and the love. It was good to spend time with you this past Sunday. Thank you so very much.
Thank you, Karl. What a good verse you shared. "Don’t get discouraged and give up...." Discouragement is such an easy thing to grab hold of and giving up is the seemingly automatic response when we do. A harvest of blessing. Don't we ALL want that? I know I do. That's why I HAVE to keep on, whether I'm discouraged or not. That's why I must choose to please the Holy Spirit even when I don't feel like it.
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