Temptation Resisted
Three weeks ago I was at an out-of-town wedding. I watched the lithe movements of the boyish photographer and found myself wondering if she was lesbian. The thought appealled to me and I watched her a lot. I watched the other women as well and found myself playing what I thought was an innocent “game” of evaluating each woman as to her desirability.
That night when I went to bed, the temptation to masturbate was huge. There are many who say that there’s nothing wrong with masturbation. Certainly the Bible makes no statement about it, at least not directly. So, I’ve always held to the idea that so long as one is not lusting or fantasizing while doing it, there’s nothing wrong with it. But I knew, given where my thoughts had been during the day and evening, that giving in to the temptation would open the door to places I dared not go. Though I wanted to be able to see past the lies Satan threw at me, I desperately wanted to believe them (if that makes sense). Finally the thought came to me that God can give me so much more than what I wanted to take for myself at that moment and that was enough. I was able to resist and go to sleep.
With no provocation on my part, the temptation came again the next night and the next. Each time the triggers were different and each time I thought I had a justified reason to ignore what God was telling me—or to pretend it wasn’t Him talking. Is God all I want? Is He all I need? I was beginning to realize that the “little errands” I had allowed my double-minded mind to run on behalf of my old nature had opened an enormous door that was resulting in unnecessary warfare. What I had thought was innocent was, in fact, potentially deadly. I must guard my thoughts much more tenaciously than I had realized.
On the fourth day of this nightly battle, still out of town, my host took me on a short trip to visit someone. This trip took us to the highway that leads to where my former lover lives. The road signs announcing the places near her pulled at me and at my thoughts. I miss her terribly. But I had learned something from the night of the wedding. I cannot allow my mind to dwell even on seemingly innocent thoughts if they have the potential to lead me to temptation and sin. And so I began to recite the passage I’m currently memorizing and the danger passed. But that night, again the temptation returned.
Interestingly, one of those nights of temptation, I was reading the book “Captivating” by John and Stacy Eldridge. The deal I made with God that night was that I would finish reading the chapter first and then maybe I would give in. Oh how foolishly our minds work! The chapter was about healing wounds and walked the reader through things like renouncing the lies our wounds tell us. Well, I couldn’t exactly renounce and then pick the lies right back up again, could I?
Thankfully, each night I resisted and after the fourth night the nightly battle ended.
To be continued.
That night when I went to bed, the temptation to masturbate was huge. There are many who say that there’s nothing wrong with masturbation. Certainly the Bible makes no statement about it, at least not directly. So, I’ve always held to the idea that so long as one is not lusting or fantasizing while doing it, there’s nothing wrong with it. But I knew, given where my thoughts had been during the day and evening, that giving in to the temptation would open the door to places I dared not go. Though I wanted to be able to see past the lies Satan threw at me, I desperately wanted to believe them (if that makes sense). Finally the thought came to me that God can give me so much more than what I wanted to take for myself at that moment and that was enough. I was able to resist and go to sleep.
With no provocation on my part, the temptation came again the next night and the next. Each time the triggers were different and each time I thought I had a justified reason to ignore what God was telling me—or to pretend it wasn’t Him talking. Is God all I want? Is He all I need? I was beginning to realize that the “little errands” I had allowed my double-minded mind to run on behalf of my old nature had opened an enormous door that was resulting in unnecessary warfare. What I had thought was innocent was, in fact, potentially deadly. I must guard my thoughts much more tenaciously than I had realized.
On the fourth day of this nightly battle, still out of town, my host took me on a short trip to visit someone. This trip took us to the highway that leads to where my former lover lives. The road signs announcing the places near her pulled at me and at my thoughts. I miss her terribly. But I had learned something from the night of the wedding. I cannot allow my mind to dwell even on seemingly innocent thoughts if they have the potential to lead me to temptation and sin. And so I began to recite the passage I’m currently memorizing and the danger passed. But that night, again the temptation returned.
Interestingly, one of those nights of temptation, I was reading the book “Captivating” by John and Stacy Eldridge. The deal I made with God that night was that I would finish reading the chapter first and then maybe I would give in. Oh how foolishly our minds work! The chapter was about healing wounds and walked the reader through things like renouncing the lies our wounds tell us. Well, I couldn’t exactly renounce and then pick the lies right back up again, could I?
Thankfully, each night I resisted and after the fourth night the nightly battle ended.
To be continued.
posted by Magdaleine at 5:37 PM
6 Comments:
Thank you for being so honest and open and vulnerable.
Praise God for your ability to resist the temptation!!!!
Oh go on and masturbate! It's completely normal, healthy and FUN! Nothing wrong with lusting or fantasizing while doing it either! It's really one of the joys of life, especially if you are without a sexual partner for any reason. As Woody Allen said to Diane Keaton in "Annie Hall", "Don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love!" ENJOY YOUR BODY!!!
Thanks, Christine! Yes. It was really exciting to see that victory.
Anonymous, I know you have expressed the common point of view but I aspire to something beyond the normal. I'm guessing that following Jesus is something that doesn't matter to you but it matters greatly to me. For me, Jesus is more than a great historical figure, he's someone who is alive today and someone who wants to have a deep relationship with me--if I will let him.
And I want that. To be loved and wanted by the Creator of the Universe is an awesome thing and I don't want to do anything that would jeopardize intimacy with him.
You are right. Masturbation is normal for most people and certainly provides a lot of pleasure. That's what makes it so attractive. The thing is, there are a lot of things that provide pleasure that aren't necessarily good for us. Eating only chocolate all day, for example, or only cream-filled baking. Some people find great pleasure in raping women or molesting children. Just because something is fun and pleasureable doesn't make it right.
Frankly, no matter how much I enjoy something, if it's going to block my ability to have an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ of Nazareth, Son of the Most High God, Creator of the Universe and Lover of my soul, I don't want any part of it. I want to enjoy him far more than my body or anything else.
I respect your religious beliefs. However you say the Bible says nothing specific against masturbation and if you are not a member of a religious sect that does condemn it (as I know some do), what is the harm in giving yourself sexual pleasure?
All the evidence I've seen is that masturbation IS good for you, both mentally and physically. All things in moderation of course. You wouldn't want to be obsessed with masturbation, to be doing it all day any more than eating chocolate all day (your example). Comparing masturbation to raping women or molesting children is quite frankly a very poor analogy.
You admit you have the desire to masturbate and I think you are missing one of the joys of life (sexual pleasure with or without a partner) by not doing so but again I respect your beliefs and your decision to not do it. It is your body and your life. As long as you are not telling me I shouldn't do it, we have no basic disagreement. God bless you!
No. I'm not tell you not to masturbate. Nor am I saying that one can't be a Christian without giving it up (I know of at least one major Christian leader who has gone on record saying it isn't wrong). So why don't I want to give myself sexual pleasure? It has to do with something I want more.
Think of the relationships in your life that have mattered to you--with your spouse, lover, mother, child, close friend (pick any that apply). I believe that just like one can have meaningful relationships with other people, so one can have such a relationship with God (only the relationship with God has the potential for far more than any human relationship can provide in any way). But as you think of your significant relationships, you know that you can push the other away and effectively block any relationship from happening. You might do this by cheating on your spouse or lover, never calling or visiting your mom, abusing your child, saying mean and vengeful things to your friend.
The Bible says that, in a similar way, we can block a relationship with God from happening and I have experienced the truth of this. But I don't WANT to block that relationship. I want it to flourish and grow more and more intimate. The Bible is clear that sexual immorality is sin and every sin pushes God away. (It doesn't stop Him from loving us but it does keep us from hearing Him and drawing close to Him.)
You and I will probably disagree on what defines sexual immorality but that's okay. For me (and from my understanding of the Bible), sexual immorality includes all sex outside of a monagamous marriage between a man and a woman. Jesus made it clear that it wasn't just bodily contact that counts in this definition either but also our lustful thoughts. If we lust after someone other than our spouse (and I think this includes fantasizing about having sex with that someone, whether the person is real, fictional or a picture), we are as guilty as if we had gone and had actually connected flesh with flesh.
And here is my problem. Over the years I have had an active fantasy life. Now I can hear you saying, "So what? That's good!" Maybe, but I have learned that it blocks the one relationship I most want to have--that with God. Whenever I have indulged, that relationship has suffered. I don't want that.
So what does this have to do with masturbation? Well, as I posted in a subsequent blog entry, I have discovered that , though it might not happen every time, when I masturbate, I open the door to the thoughts that Jesus said were wrong (fthis isn't necessarily true for everyone).
Think of something that we both agree is wrong--child molestation. Those who have been pronounced guilty of this and eventually set free, are often told they can have no contact with children at any time in any way. Is it because contact with children is inherently wrong? No. It's because the one thing that's innocent, in the case of that person, will quite possibly lead to the other which is obviously wrong. That is the way it is with me. Masturbation, though not condemned in the Bible, leads me to activity that IS condemned. It leads me to activity that interferes with the one thing I want most in life--a relationship with God.
In the events I describe in subsequent blog entries, you'll notice that I have also found that it opens the door to spiritual forces / beings that are are enemies of this God I love more than anything or anyone else. I have to choose which I want--God or His enemy. For me, the choice is clear. Though masturbation may be an innocent activity, for me it is far too dangerous to indulge and so I will continue resist.
MAGGIE SAID: "For me, Jesus is more than a great historical figure, he's someone who is alive today and someone who wants to have a deep relationship with me--if I will let him. And I want that. To be loved and wanted by the Creator of the Universe is an awesome thing and I don't want to do anything that would jeopardize intimacy with him."
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Amen. That *is* "the bottom line." It's not about following a set of rules. It is *all* about having a relationship with the the One who not only created us, but also saves us from ourselves. It is a melding of two hearts into one. It is a relationship with the only One who will never let us down. We can always count on Him to be faithful and true. Why in the world would we want to do anything to jepordize such a wonderful, perfect relationship?
Everyone in the world would love to have a relationship like that. Yet they spurn the only One who loves them more than anyone ever can or ever will, in favor of cheap thrills that last but a moment. Go figure.
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"The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.
For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts grew ever darker. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.
Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.
Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.
Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them."
Romans 1:18 through 1:32
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