Renouncing Gluttony

I knew I had to work towards the Repent/Renounce/Break/Bless sequence that I did last November. That was so meaningful and powerful for me then and I wanted the same kind of breakthrough this time. Here is what I prayed when I was done:

I confess, Lord God, that I have broken my vow to be and stay under the authority of [a particular weight loss program--I had made this vow many years ago and had been wrestling with it recently]. I have found that this is an impossible task. I am unable to do it no matter how hard I try. I was wrong to break this vow but I was also wrong to make it. Yet I deliberately choose to make it, knowing that Jesus said to NOT make vows. I was wrong. I was wrong to give [that organization] the kind of authority I did for they did not point me to Jesus or the need to feast on Him instead of on food.

There is a time for feasting and a time to refrain from feasting. Christmas is a time of celebration of You coming to earth and so it is a time of feasting. You commanded times of feasting in Your law. But I seem to want to feast all the time and have the finest of foods as well. I have been dissipated in the way I spend money I don't have to eat out for the purpose of comfort and luxury. I have tried to comfort myself by going to beautiful places and ordering fine foods. I have argued that I've needed these restaurant times as oases to spend time with You and I know You're not against doing that but only if I can afford to do it.

I've allowed myself to be gluttonous in areas other than food, as well, such as the use of the computer or even in my desire for people. Actually, those two have been tied together, haven't they? And I've allowed my excessive use and desire for these to interfere with what You would have me do--take care of my home and my family. I've allowed my use of the computer and my desire to be constantly connected to my friends to supercede my responsibilities.

According to whitestonejournal.com the solution is to reduce my use of pleasureable things, not eliminate them. I want to do this, God. I repent of making the vow to be under the authority of [that organization], of breaking my vow, of being caught up in the excesses of spending what I don't have, of making my comfort my god, of spending time on the computer with friends when I should be meeting my responsibilities in my home and to my family. I have been wrong. I want to change.

Please forgive me. Help me to reduce my pleasures and increase the meeting of my responsibilities. Help me to find balance between overwork and too much play, between the excesses of spending and saving, between hiding from people and needing them too much, between too much sitting and too much activity, between comfort and pain, between taking and giving. Help me find balance, Lord. I choose balance and moderation except when it comes to pursuing You. For that, I choose to be extreme.

Also, Lord, I allowed myself to masturbate again, after over 2 months of abstinence. I was wrong. I see how much of a trap it is, luring me back into lies I have renounced and into the trap from which I have struggled to escape. Forgive me!

I renounce, once again, the lie that masturbating is harmless. And while it does give comfort and pleasure, I renounce the lie that this comfort and pleasure is the sort I want. It is not. I want Your comfort, dear God! And I want the pleasure you provide, not what I steal for myself.

What lies have I believed about the other things I've confessed, God? I renounce the desire to shirk my responsibilities. I renounce the laziness that keeps me inactive at the computer instead of moving around my home--keeping it clean and in order and keeping my family well-fed and well-nourished. I have chosen my friends over my husband and sons and spend much more time with my friends than with my family. I'm not sure what I need to renounce with this--my wrong priorities. This is a hard one, God! I'm not sure I WANT to spend much time with my husband. I don't enjoy being with him. I want to, God, but I don't. I renounce my selfishness and choose instead to give time to my husband for his pleasure and happiness even when I don't feel like it. I renounce the lie that says I need large amounts of time each day with my friends. I renounce the lie that says I need to pamper or indulge myself at restaurants, cafés and dining facilities whenever I'm out. If I start providing better for my family, I will probably find eating at home more attractive. I renounce the lie that says I have to be out of my home to spend quality time with You, God. I have a lovely prayer room for that purpose and keep avoiding it. I renounce the lie that comfort is always better than pain. I renounce my self-indulgence and instead choose to embrace self-control and restraint. I renounce my vow and the making of vows.

I break off my laziness, my self-indulgence, my selfishness, my sinful attitudes, the spirit of Jezebel if it's still hanging on, all lying spirits and deceiving spirits. I break off all residue of my sin and all connection to everything I've renounced.

I choose You, God. You are my Ishi, my Husband, my Lover, my King and my Master. I have given You my ears to pierce, to be Yours forever. Thank You for forgiving me. Bless me, Lord, as I choose to become more active, to take better care of my home, my husband, my family. Bless me as I choose to reduce my pleasures so I can better meet my responsibilities. Bless me, please, as I choose to give as well as receive. Bless me as I choose to walk in Your ways instead of mine and as I continue to seek Your Face and Your Presence. Bless me, please, as I choose Life over death.

I love You.